“For a moment there, I thought he was the one. I thought he was going to be my knight in shining armor but I was wrong. My false beliefs led me to false hopes and momentarily happiness. We weren’t official, yes. But that title was nothing for me, I didn’t care what label we had because he made me feel assured to the point that he would call me in the middle of the night, drunk and telling me that he loves me while I, was stupid to believe him.
I was still lucky that he didn’t just go somewhere without me knowing. He told me. It was painful. He needed space because he just met someone else and he just wasn’t sure about us anymore. I thought I could fix it but we weren’t official. He made it clear to me that night, and I was hurt.
Our memories together just kept piling up inside my head and my heart was pounding too fast, I couldn’t stop myself from processing that it was over. Our good times were the best I have and knowing none of those are going to happen again, just made me cry over and over again. I loved him too much that I couldn’t stop myself from being his best friend. It was ok for him. He acted like before, and I forced myself to act the same way although it was hard. And the hardest part was, I couldn’t cry in front of anybody because nobody even knew there was an “us” in the first place. I know now the pain of being alone and not having even one shoulder to cry on. At times like this, I knew I had to endure the pain and just cry by myself in my room.
I don’t know if he will ever come back to me again but now I know how he could take me for granted. He was selfish in a way that he allowed me to enter his life again. I know I asked for it but he didn’t even insist otherwise because he knew that it would be painful for me. He was selfish in a way that he would come back when he wants to and I was stupid to even think of accepting him back. If one day he’s just there again, I honestly don’t know if he would still love me like before but I definitely will. He’s the first person I ever felt I need the existence of in order to survive and knowing that, I know I may be at loss but at least I know my feelings well and I did all that I can to keep him. I don’t know how it’s going to turn out but I hope that whatever happens, I won’t be hurt again.“ – V.B
Thank you for sharing your experience V.B., you’re smart and a brave one for handling such kind of guy! – TCP